I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
