Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
