I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
