The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
