Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
