If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
