Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
