Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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