He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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