Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
