I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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