The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
