I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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