I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
