Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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