Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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