apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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