from now on my penis is your penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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