Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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