Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
