So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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