Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
