Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
