tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
