doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
