god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
