We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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