You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
