I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I cut my penus on the lid.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
