i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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