we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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