My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
