It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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