I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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