I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
