How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
