i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
