Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I currently don't understand fingers.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
