do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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