my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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