I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
