Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
