So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love having hate sex.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
