Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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