youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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