i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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