Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
