Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
