3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
