dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
