you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
